Morning Musings

I can feel myself changing.

Change is to be expected as I age but it's a little odd to be so hyper aware of it.

I'm beginning to love mornings. 

Don't get too excited, Mom.. I don't love waking up.

But I do love mornings. 

It's a new start.

 Last night doesn't even matter. Yesterday is gone. And here we are this morning, with a whole new opportunity to do something incredible. Granted, I will be working most of my day away. But who says that can't be incredible in some way?

My morning started out pretty incredible. Early morning cuddling. Tomato basil scrambled eggs. A large cup of Yerba Mate tea in my favorite giraffe mug. Arielle (WHICH ONE?!?!) sent me this mug a few years back for my birthday. Oh, how I miss my name twin...

It's snowing... still. It's been snowing for days. Two Sundays ago it was incredible.
Spring had sprung.
It was 75 degrees, the sun was spectacular, and I was doing headstands in the yard. The next day it stormed something awful. The next day it was 40 degrees. That night is started snowing and it hasn't really stopped. Nothing impressive.. a light dusting.. melts by noon... but continues to lightly fall from, sometimes, seemingly nowhere. 

It appears Spring has unsprung. 

This wouldn't have been a problem had I not already given in to the idea of  camping, hiking, kayaking, shorts, tan lines and general warm weather debauchery.

 It is beautiful, though.

It makes me feel like life is moving in slow motion, which is a welcomed juxtaposition to the feeling of hurried rapidity that I normally experience. You have to slow down when it snows. You can really hurt yourself if you don't.

There's a saying out there.. something about taking time to smell the roses.

I experienced this lesson first hand recently. 

I had been sent a beautiful bouquet of flowers about a week and a half ago. It had a variety of flowers, including roses in it. They were beautiful and smelled so nice. 

Per the usual, I was busy. I would stop and touch one of the petals occasionally, smile to myself, thankful that someone thought highly enough of me to send me such a beautiful gift. Maybe I'd take a quick sniff, then off I'd twirl into the happenings of my day. I tried to be mindful enough to stop at least once a day and appreciate those beautiful flowers. But sometimes I'd forget and sometimes life would be so distracting that I just couldn't truly appreciate the flowers for all that they really were. 

It feels like one moment they were plump and vibrant and the very next they were wilted and dull. Just the roses, mind you.
They were the most delicate. 

They were so beautiful when the flower delivery man first brought them to me. 

The other flowers are still beautiful and I have since removed the roses because they were so depressing and a reminder that I had failed to truly appreciate them while they were here. I didn't slow down enough to just take in all that they had to offer. 

Because, truly, they really were beautiful. 

Maybe I'll be lucky enough to be sent flowers again one day. And hopefully I'll be able to really appreciate them for what they are. A temporary and beautiful distraction from the mundane, manic and, sometimes, psychotic whirlwind of life. 

...I won't go on about this next subject for too long. After all, you can easily find these very same opinions, written significantly more eloquent than I am capable of, somewhere out on the Internets...

How, in our evolved, industrialized, forward thinking, 21st century culture are we still wasting our time debating and, in some cases, trying to deny any two humans the right to marriage? 

How is this possible?

I am both moved and disgusted by what I see on social media websites, in the news, and in my town.

Heterosexual individuals fighting furiously for something that, arguably, "doesn't really affect them." Republicans who are openly supportive of marriage equality. A president that openly supports marriage equality. Friends and family who truly believe love is love.
What a fortunate series of events that I am lucky enough to live in such a time.

And my heart breaks to hear that there are people out there still so vehemently opposed to the idea of a man and a man or a woman and a woman committing to each other for the rest of their lives.

I just don't seem to understand how you can be so violently opposed to the happiness of two people. 

Legal marriage isn't stopping these people from living together.
 Loving together.
Raising a family together. 

Marriage is a state of mind and the sanctity of such cannot possibly be destroyed by love.
It is already destroyed by the fact that 50% of all heterosexual marriages end in divorce.

Like it or not, there are already same sex couples out there who are successfully functioning in the realm of marriage-- even in states like North Carolina where last year we took significant steps backwards in this area-- without a piece of paper.

It's already happening.

There are other issues we could be bringing in front of the Supreme Court. 

And that's all I'll say about that. 

On a more directly personal note, I seem to be have developed some sort of sensitivity to... something. As some of you might know, I'm lactose intolerant. Too much gluten/wheat gives me hives. I have problems digesting the peels of cucumbers (is this not absolutely absurd?). And, it appears, I now have something new and exciting to figure out.
I'm concerned it's corn.
Which is awesome, considering corn and corn by-products are in everything in this country.
After eating, my stomach will be in knots. It swells up and I, no joke, look 4 months pregnant. I'm not saying I have 6-pack abs, but I definitely don't have a stomach that sticks out farther than my boobs. Except, right now, I do.
And I have no idea what is going on.

An elimination diet might be in my near future.
Which is awful.
Or a juice cleanse.
Which isn't awful, and I actually enjoy.
But it's expensive.

Bah.
Hopefully I figure it out soon.
I love to eat and right now I am dreading it.

Although I did eat the eggs and tomatoes this morning and it isn't any worse.
It's not any better, but it isn't any worse.
Hmmm..

On another note, my friend Maia started a blog. It's called Belly Pride  and I love it.
Also, Post Secret has some great secrets up this week.
And I have a new love in my life.
His name is Karl Pilkington.
If you don't love him.. well, I will still try to love you... but I might wonder about your judgement a little bit.

All right, real life is calling. 

Hope your morning turns out to be just as nice  as mine has been. :)

A

Wrong Side Up

Today is the first day of my 7th Yoga Teacher Training weekend. 

Every Friday of this weekend, I feel as if I am:

Extemporaneous. 

Inexperienced.

Inflexible. 

Young. 

Vaulting Ambition. 

Something I have been meditating on recently is NOT listening to myself so much. I have the two sides of my ego.. the devil and the angel.. whispering into my ear. I don't necessarily feel like the "devil" side is trying to hold me back or keep me from realizing all my dreams. I think of this little guy more like a parent, petrified by fear of me hurting myself. Trying to convince his 'child' not to move out of the house for fear of their failure. This devil manifests in my consciousness as these negatives thoughts, attempting to scare me into safety. 

Truth is, I am terrified of failing. What if this isn't my path? What if my higher self isn't ready for this type of metaphysical cracking open that I am forcing it into? It seems easy to listen to He Devil and just stay home, curled up in my bed with my dogs who wouldn't judge me for chickening out. 

And then I remember I have to face myself in the morning. 

I have spent a lot of time learning and relearning how to treat other people. I feel like I am a relatively kind person and only hope that as I age I find more kindness, understanding, and compassion. However, I do not always afford myself the same kindness as I do others. I listen to these negative thoughts and, often, believe them to be true instead of listening to the angel in my ear telling me I am: 

Strong.

Eager.

Balanced. 

Idealistic.

Determined. 

All of these things, I am. Arguably, I am also all of the things on the aforementioned list. I am not as prepared with my yoga homework, home practice or meditation as I should be. I do not have a lot of experience-- yet. I am working on finding more length in my hamstrings and flexibility in my hips. I am young. And maybe I am overly ambitious.

So maybe it's not about not listening to myself. 

Maybe it's more about choosing the way in which I hear the things I am saying to myself. That's something we all are fully capable of doing-- choosing the way in which we hear things. I don't know how many times, as an ornery teenager, my mother and I fought because of the way one of us "heard" the other say something. 

Will I choose to hear positivity?

Hm.

I have become obsessed... allow me to try that again... I have become OBSESSED with being upside down. 

Excuse the pajamas. Yes, those are Care Bears on my shorts. 

Hate on it.

This past Sunday was St. Patrick's Day. It was 75 degrees and sunny. I spent a very large portion of the morning and early afternoon upside down outside in the sun. I am not sure if I can fully express exactly how perfect that was. 

Wait, yes I can.

I know just the right word.

It was awesome. 

Seriously, though. During my home practices, I find myself wishing I could get through the first 2/3 of the series quicker so that I can get to the inversions. I'm not as strong as I need to be for a long, sustained forearm balance or handstand... yet. But I am experimenting with different leg variations in my headstand! 

I can hold these for a relatively decent amount of time before having to come out... But the harder ones.. they are a different story. 

I fall. 

A lot. 

A whole lot.

Way more than I did when I was skiing a couple weeks ago.

Sometimes I fall hard. 

Yesterday, I fell straight backwards. Almost landed on Spindale. I caught it on film and I have a good chuckle every time I watch it. Some one told me a couple of week ago, "If you aren't falling, you aren't learning." 

Well, I must be learning then, because Jesus Mary and Joseph, am I falling a lot. But for those split seconds when I'm balancing on nothing but my forearms and my heels aren't touching the wall, time stops and I'm fully convinced I've been there for a minimum of one hour. 

In reality, I'm lucky if I'm sticking the harder inversions for a couple of seconds.

But that's not the point. 

The point is, when I'm flying like that, I know without a doubt that wrong side up is not wrong,  and right side up isn't always right.

Here's to a weekend full of laughter, love, and (hopefully) lots of the wrong side up. 

A

Once Again, I am a Slacker

It appears, history repeats itself once again. I am a slacker and haven't made any updates. And I even promised a book review and failed to do so there.

In my defense, life has spiraled into a controlled chaos. And I wouldn't have it any other way. :)

Yoga has been, and continues to be, the driving force behind, arguably, my every action. In just a few quick months, my life has completely turned into something not only worth being proud of, but truly worth living. I think in the first post I ever wrote I said something about... let's see. What did I say again?
 [Please Hold]

I had to go back and look. Here is what I said:

"My life is beautiful and dysfunctional and sometimes overwhelming. I wish I could say I wouldn't change a thing.. but I'm working on that. I think that's my ultimate goal. To wake up in the morning, look around and honestly say, "Everything is just fine." "

I don't think I can say that everything is perfect, but I can definitely tell you that from the moment I wrote that in August to this moment right now, my life has completely changed its course. The middle of 2012 until the beginning of 2013 was pretty.. well.. intense for me. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't the most intense situation I've ever been in, but it is easy to forget that we've struggled with worse when we're in the thick of an unpleasant circumstance. Especially one that is unlike any situation we have ever found ourself in.

 For the past six months, I have spoken with my dear friend, Stephanie, almost every day. I'd tell her all about how everything in the world was falling apart and I just wasn't sure how to put it back together. But in (almost) every conversation I would tell her: This has to change. I don't know when, but I am going to keep working. I am going to keep doing yoga and keep working hard and keep being positive. Something good has to come from that. 

And it has. 

There continues to be more and more yoga in my life. I am physically, mentally and emotionally stronger than I think I have ever been before. I am learning how to look down on a situation from a neutral perspective and truly make a judgement call based on something other than my flighty fickel nature. I have decided that I will surround myself with the most extraordinary people. And I will learn from their extraordinary nature, thus continuing to shape my life and myself into exactly what I want it to be. I have continued to experiment with nutrition. I can feel a difference in every cell in my body. I won't continue to ramble so we'll suffice it to say that I am happier than I can ever remember being. 

That may not be true.
I have a very specific memory from when I was three on Trinity Beach in Australia. I climbed up onto (what seemed to be) the biggest rock in the history of rocks. I stood there, clutching the warm surface with my toes, facing the wind and felt like I was on top of the entire world.
Here is that moment:

Today, I am as happy as I was when this photograph was taken. I am on top of the world. 

Figuratively, of course. I wouldn't want my fellow Archer fans to literally get upset because of my literal misuse of the word "literally." 

Long story short, everything is awesome. And you're awesome. And I'm awesome. And let's go be awesome together. 

But on the real side of things.. I feel like the luckiest girl alive today.

What was that? How's my teacher training going? 

I'm glad you asked.

I have three weekends left of my 200 hour YA certification. It's so exciting and a little sad as well. I graduate in May... May 19th. However, I'm jumping right into my 500 hour YA certification. Actually, I'll begin my first module before I even finish my 200 hour certification. 

This one is a little different. It won't be with the same group of people as it is set up into 11 modules. You can register and pay for the modules as you are ready to take them. So, basically, you are in control of when you finish. The goal is to complete my 1000 hour certification from Asheville Yoga Center within the next six years. 

I'll be 30 at that point. 

I love teaching, and in fact, have a private session today in about an hour. I am off from my desk job today and have packed my day full of teaching, studying, writing and taking yoga classes. 

I love days like today. 

In a non-yoga related story (GASP) I learned how to ski on Sunday! Sometimes I forget that I enjoy doing things other than yoga. It was really nice to completely move outside of my comfort zone. 

I fell.

A couple really good, hard times. Falling is something I have always been a little afraid of. I'm tall. It's a long way down. Falling from grace, then opening to grace, and oscillating between those two actions is something I am becoming much more comfortable with. 

Maybe it has something to do with all the inversions and arm balances that are so challenging to me, yet I am completely obsessed with mastering. 

Anyway, back to skiing. It was awesome. Nothing like water skiing... except the skis. Nothing like roller blading. Except a little like rollerblading. Nothing like ice skating. Well, maybe a little like ice skating? I have no idea what I'm trying to do here. Coming from a girl who has only ever made one snowman* in her entire life, I suppose it doesn't mean much to try and describe skiing. So I'll just say this: 

It was awesome**. 

I think that's it. We'll see what comes next. I'm sure I will not feel this incredible every single day. But I am equally as sure that regardless of what life has to throw at me, I have everything I need to handle it gracefully. 

Even if it just means to fall.

XO
A

*In the spirit of honesty, I would like to come clean about a few details regarding the snowman I made. 1. It was on Sunday.. the same day I learned how to ski.
2. It was about one foot tall.
3. He had no face

**I need new adjectives. Suggestions and applications are now being accepted